Round 11: Cool Story, Bro

[Monica Padilla]

~ Episode Eleven ~ 

Lots of interesting fallout this round. I really have no idea how we've managed to completely bung things up so many times, but we nearly blindsided me, Tyson, Rudy, and Caleb this last round, which means that we nearly backstabbed four people in our own alliance instead of banding together to vote against the people who are actually against us. As far as I can tell literally the only reason the brakes got thrown on the crazy train is that I eventually blew my stack at Joaquin and asked how it was possible for us to manage to fuck up what should have been the easiest play in the book this round, and everybody just kind of snapped out of the powergamer trance and went "Huh, you're right, voting off the person who is clearly our enemy is probably something we should consider doing."

Real-life Monica Padilla, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I am on an island with seven Kimmis, and it is my own private hell. 

Where things got interesting is that the opposing alliance was planning on voting for me, apparently until Joaquin convinced them to vote for Tyson instead on the grounds that he might have the mole idol. I'm 99.9% certain that Rudy has it. There's no way that Tyson was clever enough to pull off the mole stunts, and bruteforce search the idol password. There's just no way. Meanwhile, Tyson was considering flipping to vote me out, which would only really have been a problem in the sense that I'd have had to completely waste my idol to take out Nick, who I didn't want gone. 

So I had to flip Joaq and Caleb back by assuring them that the other wasn't flipping, and that Rudy and Ami were voting with us. The end result is that Nick went home 6-2-1 or something like that, with nobody actually flipping just yet, but everybody wanting to. I just about had an aneurysm as a result of this round, and I feel like all hell is going to break loose in the very near future. I'm probably going to go hard for Immunity just so I don't have to worry about whatever madness and chaos is going to go down here.

IN THEORY, I should have a pretty stable thing going with Ami/Tyson/Rudy/myself as a core four. Of course theories are theories and they don't mean bupkis in the real world. But this round drove a wedge between Caleb and Joaq, which is good. We can bust that up pretty handily. I also want Jeremiah gone, for a few reasons.

Firstly, he refused to update his voting parchment with my Samoa portrait. That's just rude. Artists should make an effort to satisfy their clientele. 

Secondly, this happened: 

Jeremiah Wood

So, I am not sorry about my vote because I was told you are coming after me, and were over Nick because you feel I am a more dangerous player, but I was not the leader of your vote, and they all swapped it on me last minute, so, yeah.

I never asked him to be sorry about his vote. I'm not sorry I went after him, although I'm sorry I called him a dangerous player. That means I'll probably have to deal with him as a returnee, and that's just not fun. I also have no idea what him not being the leader is supposed to mean. Someone else wanted me gone, and you said yes? For some reason that should make me dislike you less than whoever came up with the idea in the first place? 

And what's up with the smiley face? Is he trying to be cocky? Is this some kind of weird "My plan to kill you didn't work and was never really going to, but just in case you were wondering whether I care deeply about my words potentially offending you, bwahaha, I DO INDEED NOT FEEL THAT WAY AT ALL!" 

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with that unapology. I decided to just peace out and let my gal Jenna Coleman handle it. After all, I had cooked butter chicken while only burning my tender flesh twice, and I wasn't about to let some passive-aggressive hick get between me and my Indian food. 

"Oh, um, yeah... you sure showed me, there. It doesn't look like I'm quaking in my boots, but trust me, it's happening. Kbye"

Apparently being weirded out and leaving wasn't the reaction that Jeremiah was looking for. When he sets out to intimidate Monica Padilla, by gosh, you'd better believe that Monica Padilla is going to be setting her Facebook status to "good and intimidated by horrific drubbing that I just received from Jeremiah Wood" afterwards. 

 
But since I'd already left by that point, he decided to just yell more passive aggression at my retreating back. I couldn't really hear him. My butter chicken was delicious. 

Oct 29, 2015 9:08 PM Jeremiah Wood

See ya sweetheart. Don't get comfy, cause if you send me packing, Im gonna see ya soon after.


Oct 29, 2015 9:39 PM Jeremiah Wood

Think whos targetting you now and who spilled your whole plan to me. Cause they want you out, I don't really care when you go but because you came after me is why I wanted you

See, again, I really don't know what to do with this. I've never been comfy in this game. I barely got as far as "confident" that one time, but comfy is just ridiculous. He's also taking the default assumption that I'm still coming after him, which is actually really funny when you think about it. Whoever sold me out to him still voted with me. So instead of trying to turn the tables on the people who are obviously playing both sides here, he's just kind of resigned himself to the fact that I want him gone. I guess he's going the self-fulfilling prophecy route there, since passively-aggressively yelling at me while I'm trying to eat my rice and butter sauce is definitely the sort of thing I vote people out for.

What I really love about this is the timestamp, though. Because after I up and left, he started yelling after me, and when I didn't respond, he apparently just sat there being angry for an entire half hour, before it occurred to him to make a really half-hearted attempt to swing me back.

Hmm, who's targeting me? Who spilled my whole plan to you? Well, probably the one and only person I told that plan to. Maybe if you want to keep that secret, don't repeat the exact phraseology that I used, because then I have a good idea of where that came from.

It also helps that Caleb was telling me Tyson was pushing for me, and sent me "proof" in the form of a screencap. 



See, that post doesn't actually say that Tyson was ever planning on doing it. It says he's thought about it in the abstract. Whatever, I'm not the Thought Police. Let him think what he wants. In theory Tyson supposedly said it in a different conversation before this - which conveniently I did not get a screencap of. 

My guess is, this is Caleb covering his own ass after selling me out. Coincidentally, Caleb started trash talking Jeremiah at 9:08 PM, telling me that Jer was bitching him out for not voting off Tyson even though he (Jeremiah) voted for me. My guess is they were together, Caleb didn't hold up his end of the deal by voting Nick out, and now Jeremiah wants to try and play me against Caleb in hopes of saving himself. 

In the end, I'm not really bothered. It doesn't matter one whit to me who actually threw me under the bus. I know that Joaq and Caleb's names didn't come up for elimination, and Tyson's did. If Tyson wanted me out, he's gotta think long and hard now about that, because I have chats with Caleb where he admits that he's the one who got Tyson voted for tonight. Joaq wanted Caleb out this round, I can easily show him that chat log. Caleb's pissed at Jeremiah for how he's behaved this round. So, really, I've got a lot of options here. 

The only potential wrinkle here is that I had to tell Caleb about my idol to ensure that he flipped. He was gassing on about Nick maybe having it, and I knew that if he flipped Joaq would probably flip too, so I just went ahead and spilled the beans so we could get the Akha train back on track. Caleb being the sneaky sonofagun he is, I wouldn't doubt that there's a blindside in my immediate future, but that's okay. I live for days like this.  

[Monica Padilla]

ALSO by this point in Amazon I had two episode titles. This season I have zero. I CONFESS EVERY ROUND WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME NATALIE?

[Rodney]

Oct 30, 2015 19:43:25 GMT Monica Padilla said:

ALSO by this point in Amazon I had two episode titles. This season I have zero. I CONFESS EVERY ROUND WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME NATALIE?

I pick them, sweeheart and if you don't have the last one then she overruled me

[Monica Padilla]

Lmao @ that quote being the one that made it.

[Monica Padilla]

This fucking round, I swear.

Caleb basically told me he would rather hand the game to Hmong than help Akha. I have spent this entire damn merge trying to stop my allies from actively committing suicide, and at this point I'm basically just feeling like, fuck it, kill yourselves, I don't really care. These people fly off the handle over stupid little nothings, and ignore the fact that the other tribe is just sitting there benefiting from it. Like, sack up, make nice with your old tribe, and vote off the enemy. This is not that hard.

Honestly, this is the one thing that I think sets me apart from other players, because everywhere I go I run into people who can't or won't view threats as hierarchical. I literally cannot count the number of times that I have gotten into this exact argument. People hear "Person X is targeting you!" and immediately take action, thereby cutting off a potential threat. Get them before they can get you! Frankly, I think that's the stupidest possible way to play, because it doesn't factor in the motivations of the person telling you that Person X is targeting you. 

Here's a hypothetical scenario: It's May 18, 1980. You live in Washington state, at the Johnston Ridge Observatory. On that morning, you enter the observatory and realize that the wastepaper basket is on fire. Apparently 99.9% of ORGers would flip out and go for the fire extinguisher. Me, I would get the fuck out of the house, because Johnston Ridge Observatory is on Mount Saint Helens, and the volcano is about to erupt.

The fire is an immediate threat. It is your face, and much nearer to you than the volcano is. Fire near your face is an issue that should be dealt with in many circumstances, but May 18, 1980 is not one of them. If you deal with that fire, it will result in you having an unburnt wastepaper basket which you can freely enjoy right up until it and everything you love, such as your internal organs, gets vaporized in the explosion.

Basically this game, and my entire ORG experience in general has been:

Monica: "Guys! We need to get in the Jeep!"
Them: "No."
Monica: "Why not? This is a matter of life and death!"
Them: "There is a fire."
Monica: "Yes, but we need to get in the Jeep before the volcano erupts."
Them: "This wastepaper basket is on fire. I will not be moved from this spot until the fire has been extinguished."
Monica: "Why do you need to extinguish the fire? There is a volcano about to erupt. Will you please just get in the Jeep now?"
Them: "Let me show you what a fire is. See that wastepaper basket? There is a fire in it. Look how bright it is."
Monica: "The entire house is going to be bright in a few seconds! From the volcano explosion!"
Them: "Would you like me to explain why fires are bad? You don't seem to understand how this works. I'm disappointed in how stupid you are."
Monica: "Don't you understand? The volcano is worse than the fire! This is not difficult!"
Them: "I can't believe how arrogant you are. You are a terrible person."
Monica: "Okay FINE if we extinguish this fire, can we please then get in the Jeep?"
Them: "Only if there isn't another fire."

Spoiler: there is ALWAYS another fire. And then we both die in the explosion, and then in the afterlife I get called arrogant for saying we should have gotten in the Jeep. 

[Monica Padilla]

Frigging people, I swear. Although Caleb dropped alias so I at least understand why he pisses me off so much. "Your logic contradicts mine? It's because you're stupid! Now let me kek like a cocky asshole at you!"